Tuesday 25 December 2012
Friday 2 November 2012
Saturday 20 October 2012
The follow-up of course....
Take one: Crash...Boom...Bang
Wow, those past two months were really something. From the moment that I learnt that my candidacy exam was materializing, I started to feel stressed. I was encouraged by several people and advised not to worry about it. "It will be fine!", "If I can pass, you can definitely pass"...sweet words, but apparently, you are not me.
I had a great idea that I was very passionate about for the grant proposal. Put it on paper, and you know, I'm not the messiest of writers really. Wrote it down, filled in the spaces...looked decent. After review, I was advised to take out a few parts from the introduction, and put more details in the methodology. Cut and paste, cut and paste, snip snip snip....it's deadline eve....@#%($&@#$%_^(&
What the heck am I doing? It seemed disjointed and lacked flow. If there's anything I hate to read is something that lacks flow, because it seems as confusing as I am.
Anyway, tick tock, I had to submit. Send...message sent...to all my committee members.
I knew I blew it!
I knew there were loads of mistakes, yet, a deadline is a deadline, right?
@$%^($&^(@_$%(^&*%(_#_
I was told, they won't even read it until the night before...well, guys, even though maybe some won't read it until the night before, they have to read something good, not something that I personally would frown upon reading, right?
Anyway, the last 2 days before my actual exam where I had to present in front of my committee were hell. I was way too stressed, because I knew the writing was bad.
Come the day of the exam, when I had barely slept the night before, I was all nerves. I haven't seen myself that nervous in a loooooooooooooooooooooong time. Usually, I'm comfortable presenting in front of people, this time, no. I was way too nervous, the pointer slipped out of my hand while presenting, it was obvious to me and to them that something was wrong.
The questions started and once the first person pointed out some mistakes in the grant, I completely lost it. I didn't cry or anything, my nerves took over and they were on autopilot. I just couldn't think anymore. As in all I could answer was a fraction of what I actually knew and my logic just went ethereal.
I passed conditionally (you'll say, at least they didn't fail you, technically, both are the same for me). I have to re-write my grant, which on the plus side, is what I wanted to do anyway. Then submit it again for them to read, after which they will pick a date to discuss it with me again, without me having to present.
After 3 days of uncontrolled visceral weeping, things don't look so bad. I met up with my supervisor who was very sweet and understanding. Started replying to some text messages and emails, picking up the phone (which I don't normally, I hate phones).
I guess I'm lucky to have a second chance to show what I really can do sans nerves (no, drugs and drinking are not an option....though I did consider them at one point....what? Did I just say that? No, ignore the last sentence).
Everyone told me that I'll get through this and that I'm a tough person. Maybe. I stopped myself from jumping on the first plane to Egypt, although there's nothing I wanted more that to be in my room among family and friends. I was embarrassed to see anybody, but you know what...that won't help. I'll have to deal with people sooner or later and I chose to do it sooner, let's get this sulkiness and mopiness over with. I screwed up and I know it. It happens. I have my ups and downs like everyone. If sports have taught me anything, it's that you after an injury, give yourself time to heal and you jump back on the horse. A hard lesson I learnt from the beautiful horse "Banafseg" who threw me twice off him on the rocky platform, I was lucky I didn't break my back and get paralysed then, but after healing I showed "Banafseg" who was boss.
I believe in second chances.
Take 2 will be better.
Tuesday 4 September 2012
That's where I'm at....Candidacy (Qualifying) slump!
Wish me luck!
Cheers.
Solvay conference 1927
I can only imagine the poor grad students at the time....that's a crowd I would NEVER want to present my research to!
Saturday 4 August 2012
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Wednesday 20 June 2012
You better write, or else....
Writing is a big part of grad school. Course assignments, lab protocols, manuscripts, review papers, book chapters...etc. It may not be the most fun you'll ever have, especially when there's a deadline approaching.
So if you ever find yourself jumping off your desk every 5 minutes because you just NEED to make coffee, or check your email, which then turns to "just checking any new notifications on facebook", which turns into " wow, they really did that, where are the rest of the pictures?"..., I have the right app for you!
Write or DIE! http://writeordie.com
Not the most appealing app name but you gotta try it to love it.
You know how most of us work better under stress? Basically that's how it works.
Imagine you started writing this manuscript and then George Clooney (swoon) knocks on your subconscious and you start picturing your good times in Italy and your family gatherings with Brad and Angelina....but all of a sudden, your manuscript starts deleting itself!!
Will you keep on writing or will Mr. Clooney take over? That's what it does, either reminds you if you have been idle for some time, screams until you start typing again or starts deleting what you already wrote...quite the punishment, huh?
The app tells you how many words you typed, average words/minute, punishments in case you were too distracted to write for sometime or decided to procrastinate, and even keeps a writing high score!
You can choose the severity of punishments before you start on your assignment, you can also set the word and time goals at the beginning.
Try it, it could help :)
So if you ever find yourself jumping off your desk every 5 minutes because you just NEED to make coffee, or check your email, which then turns to "just checking any new notifications on facebook", which turns into " wow, they really did that, where are the rest of the pictures?"..., I have the right app for you!
Write or DIE! http://writeordie.com
Not the most appealing app name but you gotta try it to love it.
You know how most of us work better under stress? Basically that's how it works.
Imagine you started writing this manuscript and then George Clooney (swoon) knocks on your subconscious and you start picturing your good times in Italy and your family gatherings with Brad and Angelina....but all of a sudden, your manuscript starts deleting itself!!
Will you keep on writing or will Mr. Clooney take over? That's what it does, either reminds you if you have been idle for some time, screams until you start typing again or starts deleting what you already wrote...quite the punishment, huh?
The app tells you how many words you typed, average words/minute, punishments in case you were too distracted to write for sometime or decided to procrastinate, and even keeps a writing high score!
You can choose the severity of punishments before you start on your assignment, you can also set the word and time goals at the beginning.
Try it, it could help :)
Monday 18 June 2012
Friday 15 June 2012
Wednesday 13 June 2012
Sunday 10 June 2012
Friday 8 June 2012
Friday 1 June 2012
Working hours for grad students
Advice: Before starting out in a lab, ask the older grad students about what your supervisor expects from you and how long he expects you to stay inside the lab!
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Monday 28 May 2012
Friday 25 May 2012
Welcome to Canada!
After those very long hours on the plane from Cairo to Edmonton, I finally arrive in Edmonton International Airport. Biiiiiiiiiiig sigh, this is the start of a journey I was looking forward to. A new country, a new work environment, new friends....a totally new life. Why Edmonton you ask? Well, I applied to University of Toronto and University of Alberta, didn't make the cut that year in Toronto and got that long-waited for letter from the University of Alberta. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay, oh happy day! I received that letter in May and was supposed to pack my life in a little box in 2.5 months. Passport renewals, Canadian embassy appointments, resignation procedures and the dreaded goodbyes. Looking back, I barely remember how those 2.5 months passed, everything was happening too quickly and I wanted to treasure every moment I had left in Egypt. My friends threw me an AMAZING farewell party at the University where I worked. My mom and my fiancee at the time threw me another BIG farewell with many of my friends before I left..tears were shed, hugs were hugged .....and bags were packed.
It was 5:30 AM Cairo Local Time, time to go. My luggage was carried to the car downstairs, my friends drove to my house that early, and we were off to Cairo International Airport. Over there, I ran into a friend that I didn't get to see in those couple of months I had. Spotted one of Egypt's top male actors, hugged family and friends, teared up, but as you know....big girls don't cry (yeah, right!)
So, what have we got here, 6 hours to London then 8.5 -9 hours to Edmonton. Piece of cake...sure , especially if you can't sleep on planes and even better is when you're about to, this adorable 70 something-year old German lady sitting beside you seems to be happy that a German-speaking person is sitting beside her and starts telling you her life story. To tell you the truth....it was pretty interesting and she was so sweet.
I researched (and by researched I mean googled) Edmonton before I left and learnt that it got really cold in the winter. Whatever, I grew up in Moscow, what's -20 C....oh, was I wrong. In Moscow, when the temperature hit -25 C, we wouldn't go to school and my parents wouldn't go to work. Here in Edmonton, we experience as low as -47 C, and there's no reason for you to not go to work (lab in this case). The idea is we're all in it together, this is the weather and we can't change it...deal with it! First snowfall was sweet, but that year it was crazy cold! Then it got milder over the past couple of years, the first day of snow doesn't bring joy to me as it used to, oh well........ big girls don't cry!
It was 5:30 AM Cairo Local Time, time to go. My luggage was carried to the car downstairs, my friends drove to my house that early, and we were off to Cairo International Airport. Over there, I ran into a friend that I didn't get to see in those couple of months I had. Spotted one of Egypt's top male actors, hugged family and friends, teared up, but as you know....big girls don't cry (yeah, right!)
So, what have we got here, 6 hours to London then 8.5 -9 hours to Edmonton. Piece of cake...sure , especially if you can't sleep on planes and even better is when you're about to, this adorable 70 something-year old German lady sitting beside you seems to be happy that a German-speaking person is sitting beside her and starts telling you her life story. To tell you the truth....it was pretty interesting and she was so sweet.
Monday 21 May 2012
Saturday 19 May 2012
Myth #1
A supervisor's scientific status = Beard length X frown lines per square inch X grad student tears in litres
Or that's what I thought...
Finally, someone says it as it is! Blot, blot Western baby..
The number of times that one wants to hit himself with a stick for ever thinking about going into grad school varies from one person to the other. Usually, this thought is accompanied by deep remorse, blame towards all your friends who didn't stop you, compulsive, spontaneous sobbing and a whole evening in the fetal position. However, if you think back, you will remember one or two people who were being honest about their opinion and actually did try to tell you not to do it, but your brain totally dismissed that because you were too young and foolish, excited about research that is going to save humanity, earth and the milky way.
I say that because I know it happens to all of us, based on conversations with past and current fellow victims, but to tell you the truth, nothing beats the high you get when your experiments actually work.
So, suck it up and blot, blot, Western baby...figure one will be amazing!
Friday 18 May 2012
Three years ago, I said goodbye to my family and friends in the motherland, Egypt, packed my bags and got on a plane. A 10,000 km journey to the other side of the world, hockey nation, land of the sacred Maple, Ca-na-da.
The plane took me from the heart of my world, Cairo, to very quiet Edmonton, Alberta after a gruelling 17 hour trip.
Not for tourism, not for sport competitions, but to start a quest for the shiny PhD.
I will share my past and ongoing grad school experiences on this blog, let's see how this goes ;)
The plane took me from the heart of my world, Cairo, to very quiet Edmonton, Alberta after a gruelling 17 hour trip.
Not for tourism, not for sport competitions, but to start a quest for the shiny PhD.
I will share my past and ongoing grad school experiences on this blog, let's see how this goes ;)
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